Maybe one day I'll get to live in a city with all the people I love

 

Labuan. 

Who would've thought this is the city I need to call home, perhaps for the next few years in my life. I hate finding myself counting down to the days I can escape from this place when I'm supposed to find comfort here — a place I find my peace, a place that feels like home. Sometimes, I wonder what it feels like to live in a city with all the people I love. With everyone I miss. 

Would it feel like Southampton — home to my favourite people, the city where I spent some of my crucial years? Or would it feel like Kudat, a place rooted deep  within me yet somehow a little unfamiliar each time I return.

Maybe Labuan isn't meant to be home in the way Southampton was, or in the way my future city will be. Maybe, this is just a chapter. A quiet, in-between space where I'm allowed to feel both sense of belonging and detachment. And still, maybe, just maybe, this is all I need right now. Living alone, away from everyone. Just so I can find myself, be my most authentic self, away from noise. 

But at what cost? 

Missing family events. Funerals. Birthday spent alone. 

Still, I hold on to this

One day, I will live in a city with everyone I love. Maybe not everyone, but at least with someone I love.