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Maybe one day I'll get to live in a city with all the people I love

  Labuan.  Who would've thought this is the city I need to call home, perhaps for the next few years in my life. I hate finding myself counting down to the days I can escape from this place when I'm supposed to find comfort here — a place I find my peace, a place that feels like home. Sometimes, I wonder what it feels like to live in a city with all the people I love. With everyone I miss.  Would it feel like Southampton — home to my favourite people, the city where I spent some of my crucial years? Or would it feel like Kudat, a place rooted deep  within me yet somehow a little unfamiliar each time I return. Maybe Labuan isn't meant to be home in the way Southampton was, or in the way my future city will be. Maybe, this is just a chapter. A quiet, in-between space where I'm allowed to feel both sense of belonging and detachment. And still, maybe, just maybe, this is all I need right now. Living alone, away from everyone. Just so I can find myself, be my most authent...
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Life Goes On



I used to be running around freely with no strings holding me back. If I wanted to do something, I’d just do it. If I hated something, I'd leave it. But lately I don’t feel like myself.  I wonder, how is it possible for someone like me to break and fall this low? For weeks I was in denial, I didn’t want to admit that I was lost. I mistook attention for love. I started putting someone on a pedestal, that I lost sight of what’s important to me. I was in a mess. But I owe myself an apology. For putting up with what I didn't deserve, for forgetting my worth. But I will be the person I once was. 

Life is a beautiful mess, isn’t it? We love even when we’re scared of losing. We’re afraid of giving yet we still give our everything to people who don’t deserve us. We’re so attached to this momentary feeling that we know will eventually crush us. But you see, life’s a beautiful mess. It’s a mess yet it’s beautiful that you don’t think it’ll come to pin you down eventually. Just when you thought you get all your shit together, it’s coming to break you even more. But I want to believe there’s a beauty in it. There’s a beauty in pain, there’s a beauty in rain, there’s a beauty in everything. When you learn to see that, you realise that life goes on with or without the people you love. 

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